He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
