Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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