and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just sucked dick on a ferry
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
