The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
