I want to walk on stilts...naked
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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