I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
