just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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