that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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