it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It happened again.
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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