Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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