Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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