Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
