fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
