i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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