I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize