we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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