Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
