Walk of Shame. In a state park.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
