also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
