the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
