I feel like abortions should bother me more
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize