ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
