just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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