Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Gay?
German.
Pity.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
