I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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