Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
