but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
