i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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