Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
