I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
