so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I want her autograph on my taint
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
