ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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