i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
