i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i drank out of a bidet.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
