remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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