i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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