some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
