My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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