if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
