There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
