Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
