We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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