Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
