Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
