I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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