I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize