ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
