I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I want a musical about memes.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
