you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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