My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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