hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize