no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
