My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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