I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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