I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
