I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize