He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
