i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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