She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
