So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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