The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize