News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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