Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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