I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
