I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
